Locus of Control, big time

I mentioned to a couple physios I know about writing a memoir maybe, titled "Locus of Control: The Most Important Illusion." They approved. 

It is all I've got anymore.
Really, I understand that nature is everything and that I rest in it and always have, and that Indigenous people are totally right about how there is no division between nature and us, that nature is sacred, that every rock, tree, pond, mountain, animal and human is part of nature and therefore sacred, that "sacred" is interchangeable with anything that physically exists that nature made all by itself. 

I remember feeling a weird sense of relief when I first heard that during a retreat on one of those BC gulf islands, from Leonard George, son of Dan George the actor. He taught a workshop on native spirituality. "Prior to contact, Turtle Island [the name they give North America] was governed by spirituality," and for the next three days explained what it was all about. If a rock was sacred, I could be too. The white (agri)culture I had grown up in had taught me I was not. Not unless I followed a bunch of rules and held beliefs that I just could not ever stomach, even as a child.   

I have read widely and agree that a sense of self is an illusion, a mirage, a verb more than a noun. More a firing pattern of brain neurons more than an actual "thing." If it is anywhere, I think it would be mostly a left hemisphere illusion. The left hemisphere is the side of the brain that makes stuff up and wants to pretend it's true. It's the side that operates the right hand and right visual field. It's the side that can talk. 

OK, so given that self is an illusion, and given that a sense of self includes a sense of agency, we spend most of our early adult life finding it, honing it, growing it, learning the necessary boundaries, personal and social, and in my case therapeutic, that will keep us out of trouble and moving along to the end of a lifespan.
I did not learn the term "locus of control" until maybe a few decades ago. It became a well-known term, maybe well-worn also, by a decade or so ago, as it moved beyond psychotherapy circles and into other circles, like the one I chose to inhabit, a pain science circle comprised mostly of (mostly) manual therapists of various stripes. 
My own personal locus of control felt seen and included there. 

In other news, I got a call today from a person to let me know that the oncologist wants me to have a bone density scan a few weeks from now. I will go get it. I have traffic-in-big-city driving agency again now that my cataracts are history. My locus of control feels soooooo much better these days, with its vision restored.