Friday, November 19, 2010

Noticeable improvement

A lot of what this blog is about is to be a place where I can roar and kvetch and indulge myself when I need to, and track my own state.
I don't mind if others read this stuff, but it's not polished and I make no apology. It's a journal for petesake.

Anyway, I have noticed as November slogs on, a wonderful and welcome relief from seasonal affective disorder this year. Last year, I had already moved back into the light but I don't think my brain adapted immediately to the absence of Dreariness - it was still anxious and all hand-wavey and -wringy for a long time, even though it didn't feel as disabled as it had in previous Novembers.

This year I'm burrowed in and have my mental canines embedded in a juicy course which (while some of it gives me fits, as I've expressed in the post previous to this one) I am really loving;  and I love the way my brain is sucking up this stuff as though it were starved for it, and I'm loving the feel of the motivation it has for the project. My brain works properly again! Yay! And it's November 20! And I don't care! I don't feel it! I'm happy for a change in November, cognition not buried by some uncontrollable natural light level. There is plenty of light now. And I could not care less that it's minus 15 Celsius, because I'm warm and comfortable in my high-up condo from which I can see the sky and all its light and the backdrop it provides for wicked blizzards or sparkling frozen water vapour or intense sunsets. I love to attack the snow on my balcony, fight it, keep it swept away. I feel like such a hero cleaning off my deck - during the recent blizzard I cleaned it off three times in one day - no way is snow going to win! - I am the captain on my deck! (Yeah yeah, I know, it's lame, but hey, a woman about to be 60 in a few weeks still needs to feel victorious about something so chooses her battles effortlessly and only the ones she knows she will win. Schmutzhaken is my snowhook. )

I feel vindicated for having moved at the right time to (apparently) the right place or at least "a" right place. I moved before it was too late to extract myself. Good on me.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Congrats on your 60th. I hit mine on Aug. 14. I can't imagine that 70 will be as significant, but what do I know.